Friday, December 5, 2014 at 1335, we began our ultrasound. That morning was rough, my two younger kids were being ornery all morning, the screen on my phone broke, and I wasn't looking forward to running errands after my appointment since I don't handle the cold very well because of having a thing called Raynauds. I was wanting to reschedule, but I also wanted to see our baby Pepper Mae and to know she was growing well, as I could feel her moving the night before, so I wanted to see my tiny dancer who seemed to prefer country music.
We got settled into the ultrasound room, I was very thankful my husband Phil was able to slip away from his last day of work at his old job and be with me to see our baby girl. About two minutes into the ultrasound, I was already weary because I've had enough ultrasounds to know what to look for, and I couldn't see her heartbeat. It wasn't unusual for her to not move around that time of day, she was always more active in the evenings and mornings. The tech said there was an issue with the machine and she was going to go make sure the images were transferring properly, that it had been giving them problems all morning, and stepped out. I looked at my husband trying not to show fear, but he knew what was on my mind and told me "I'm sure the baby is fine, she said something is just wrong with the machine.".
Five minutes passed. Then ten. I started to tell Phil how I didn't see her heartbeat, and I thought something was wrong. After fifteen minutes, he popped his head out in the hallway and said she was on the phone, probably talking to tech support. When nearly twenty minutes had gone by, with my belly still covered by a towel, she returned... I already knew. She told us "I just got off the phone with the doctor, and I am sorry to tell you this, but your baby has passed."
Phil was already by my side as the words came out of her mouth, and I began sobbing into his chest. I told her "I knew the moment you left the room." and continued sobbing.
She said something to my husband about the hospital waiting for me blah, blah, blah... I have no idea what all she said, I was too emotional to hear anything but Phil's voice.
I don't know how much time passed before I was able to gather myself enough to leave the building. I tried to put myself back together the best I could, but made it to the parking lot before Phil caught me from collapsing into more tears in the rain. We drove to his work and he dropped off my keys with a coworker so they could move my car for us, and we headed to the hospital on post.
(posting dates edited for timeline)
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