We arrived at Blanchfield Army Community Hospital around 1500 (3PM) and were quickly placed into a room for an emergency appointment. I appreciate that they didn't make us wait surrounded by healthy pregnancies and newborn babies. I remember very little about the conversations. They were very apologetic and asked if we would want another ultrasound, just confirm, I said yes. As soon as Pepper Mae showed up on the screen, there was no denying she was gone, she had curled up more with her chin against her tiny chest, and still had no heartbeat. I told the OBGYN "I already knew, I just had to see again. It's not normal for them to sleep like that."
She agreed, and started to go over our options, and I told her "I don't care how much more it will hurt, I want to deliver her. I don't want her to be torn apart. She deserves more than that."
She told me they could get everything ready for us in Labor and Delivery, but there was no rush, we could even wait a few days to process what was going on. We decided to go home for a couple hours so we could get some clothes and things for our kids to stay the night with their grandparents, and to pick our oldest son up from the daycare he goes to after school. We still had to take care of them too.
I was silent pretty much the entire time except for crying on-and-off, until we picked up our son. We didn't know how to tell them yet, so I needed to be strong. After dropping our oldest off to join his little brother and sister and my inlaws, along with some of their things, we dropped off the rent check, because as much as it felt like it, life was not actually standing still, and decided to go eat one last meal together before what was about to happen. We decided to go to Popeyes since it was fast, and I had told my husband I wasn't sure if I could sit in a restaurant waiting on food. While we were there I was still just... numb. We ran into some old friends while we were there, and timing could not have been better. I NEEDED the distraction of familiar company. I couldn't finish my food, so we took it to-go and continued on in the rain back to the hospital.
When we got to Labor and Delivery, around 1900 (7pm) we had to sit in the waiting room for what felt like an eternity. It started out as empty, but we were joined by two pregnant women, one with several friends in tow. They were excited for her. The other woman looked annoyed. She seemed to hate everything about being pregnant. I can relate, I've felt that way in the past too, but in my head I was screaming at her to just be happy her baby didn't die.
Finally, a nurse arrive and called us back. We were the first room on the left. The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me almost right away. He said I don't have to feel any of it, and that they could medicate me as much as my weight allows because we didn't have to worry about risks to the baby at this point. I declined an epidural since I've never had one before, and didn't want that to be the time to find out if I would panic being numbed or not, so we opted for IV narcotics. After several attempts to run an IV and draw blood, and going through the many questions for my chart, I was given Dilaudid and something else, and a Cytotec pill that helps induce labor, all starting around 2200 (10PM).
By almost 0100, I was already starting to bleed, as the induction was taking effect. I stayed awake through the entire process. It was hard enough to sleep because of the emotions I was going through, but because of the risk of blood clots, I had to wear these weird things on my legs that take turns inflating. I was only allowed clear liquids because of the drugs. I nibbled on some leftovers anyways to settle my stomach. Because of drinking water for the cottonmouth I was having along with the IV fluids, I had to use the bathroom all night anyways. Phil fell asleep on the couch.
(date and time of post edited for timeline)
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